What Would You Do if the World Was Ending Funny Joke
1 / 177
Bad jokes that are actually pretty good
Ah, bad jokes. They're little guilty pleasures we indulge in with giddy enthusiasm every chance we get. They make us groan, say "Are you serious?", and, of course, make us chuckle. Bad jokes can be short, corny, punny, and deliver some of the best one-liners ever. What's not to love?
If you're a sucker for a good bad joke, you're in luck. Below, you'll find a list of our funniest jokes that just so happen to pack groan-worthy punchlines. Enjoy!
2 / 177
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c–
MOO!
We had to start off this collection of bad jokes with one of the oldest knock-knock jokes in the book.
4 / 177
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
Sometimes the best bad jokes are the shortest. Check out these short jokes for kids anyone can memorize.
7 / 177
What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question and a joke?
…
Get it? Bad jokes don't even need a punch line to be funny! Check out the funniest jokes on the internet.
9 / 177
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way. These hilarious animal cartoons prove that animals are funnier than humans.
10 / 177
Two muffins were sitting in an oven.
One turned to the other and said, "Wow, it's pretty hot in here." The other one shouted, "Wow, a talking muffin!" For more laughs, check out these travel cartoons that find the funny in everything.
11 / 177
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust. If this one has you smirking, these dad jokes will really give you a chuckle.
12 / 177
What is Forrest Gump's email password?
1forrest1.
13 / 177
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the "no-bell" prize.
14 / 177
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.
15 / 177
What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum?
They're both purple except for the rabbit. This joke made be bad, but these other "what's the difference between" jokes are hilarious!
16 / 177
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan." Here are some funny one-liners that are sure to get some laughs.
17 / 177
I like elephants.
Everything else is irrelephant. Read more elephant jokes that are a ton of laughs!
18 / 177
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
19 / 177
Two guys walk into a bar.
The third guy ducks.
20 / 177
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta. If you thought this was funny, you'll love these other hilarious what do you call jokes.
22 / 177
Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
23 / 177
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An in-vest-igator.
24 / 177
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality. Thought that was good? You'll love these tea puns!
25 / 177
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
"Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!" The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: "It's not a lion. It's a giraffe."
27 / 177
The wedding was so beautiful.
Even the cake was in tiers.
28 / 177
Why don't dinosaurs talk?
Because they're dead. Don't forget to check out these dinosaur jokes for more laughs!
29 / 177
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Get it?
30 / 177
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
32 / 177
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
33 / 177
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
"Supplies!"
34 / 177
It's inappropriate to make a "dad joke" if you are not a dad.
It's a faux pa.
35 / 177
What did the buffalo say when his son left?
Bison!
37 / 177
My new thesaurus is terrible.
Not only that, but it's also terrible.
38 / 177
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob.
39 / 177
What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
40 / 177
What's the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
"Oops!" If biology is more your thing, check out these biology jokes that really cell themselves.
42 / 177
Three fish are in a tank.
One asks the others, "How do you drive this thing?"
43 / 177
What's the dumbest animal in the jungle?
A polar bear.
44 / 177
What do you call a man who can't stand?
Neil.
45 / 177
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey…
… but then I turned myself around.
47 / 177
I don't trust stairs.
They're always up to something.
48 / 177
Wife: "How do I look?"
Husband: "With your eyes."
49 / 177
What's the best part about living in Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
50 / 177
Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn't be spreading it.
52 / 177
I submitted 10 puns to a joke-writing competition to see if any of them made the finals.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
53 / 177
RIP, boiled water.
You will be mist .
54 / 177
What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?
Phillipe Floppe .
55 / 177
eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
56 / 177
Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke?
Joke, joke, jooooooooooooooke . We can all relate to these funny working from home cartoons right now.
57 / 177
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my trail mix.
58 / 177
What do you do if you see a fireman?
Put it out, man!
59 / 177
That's a pretty good ceiling.
It's not the best, but it's up there!
60 / 177
I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Actually, it's more of a wrap.
62 / 177
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's ok, he woke up.
63 / 177
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
64 / 177
Why do you never see pigs hiding in trees?
Because they're pretty good at it.
65 / 177
You want to go down to the bar to hear that band called Duvet?
They're a cover band.
67 / 177
What do you call a crocodile that is also a detective?
An investi -gator.
68 / 177
The only thing flat earthers have to fear. ..
…is sphere itself.
69 / 177
Name one fragrance commercial that has ever made sense.
What are you talking about, they all make scents!
70 / 177
Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the Ark Hives.
72 / 177
What genre are national anthems?
Country.
73 / 177
I hate Russian dolls.
They're so full of themselves.
74 / 177
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
"That's one too many!" says the customer. The clerk replies "It's a freebie."
75 / 177
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.
You might not believe me, but I saw it with my own eyes.
76 / 177
Did you adopt your dog?
No, he's my biological dog. Check out these other dog jokes that are pawsitively hilarious.
77 / 177
I bought the newlyweds an elephant for their room.
They said, "Thank you." I said, "Don't mention it."
78 / 177
A limbo champ walks into a bar.
He loses.
79 / 177
When the moon hits your knees, and you mispronounce trees
Sycamore
80 / 177
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
82 / 177
What did the frustrated cat say?
Are you kitten me right meow? Cat hiss ridiculous.
83 / 177
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
84 / 177
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge. I bet they are excited about flattening the curve, though.
85 / 177
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
86 / 177
My wife just completed a 40 -week body building program this morning.
It's a girl and weighs 7 pounds, 12 ounces. Not to throw more numbers at you, but we have 50 jokes here for all 50 states.
87 / 177
Why are there so many different kinds of pasta?
If I had a penne for every time I asked myself this question.
88 / 177
What did The Rock say when the waiter offered him a box for his leftovers?
I'm not much of a boxer, but I'll wrestle you for it.
89 / 177
Where do you take someone who's been injured in a peek – a-boo accident?
To the I.C.U.
90 / 177
Nurse: Blood type?
Dad: Red. By the way, you'll love these nurse jokes that are RN-believably funny.
91 / 177
A person is walking down the street and hears a bunch of people in a fenced-in yard shouting, "19 ! 19! 19! 19!" Curious, he walks over and looks through a hole in the fence.
S omeone from the other side pokes him in the eye and they all start shouting, "20! 20! 20!" Here are the best jokes from A-Z!
92 / 177
I went to a wedding where two satellite dishes got married.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was amazing.
93 / 177
What do you call a magician who lost their magic?
Ian.
94 / 177
Why can't you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
They always take things literally.
95 / 177
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saurus.
96 / 177
I had a chip implanted in my body.
It was a Cool Ranch Dorito. Yum!
97 / 177
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
He neverlands . We love this joke because it never grows old.
98 / 177
To kill a French vampire, you need to drive a baguette through its heart.
Sounds easy but the process is painstaking.
99 / 177
What do we want? Low-flying airplane noises! When do we want them?
NNNNNEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!
100 / 177
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Wow, I've never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
102 / 177
Today I gave my dead batteries away.
They were free of charge.
103 / 177
Why do ghosts love elevators?
It lifts their spirits.
104 / 177
Five guys walk into a bar.
You think one of them would've seen it.
105 / 177
Who are caterpillars' biggest enemies?
Dogerpillars.
107 / 177
Why do you tell actors to break a leg?
Every play has a cast.
108 / 177
What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz?
Cheese Was.
109 / 177
Someone stole my mood ring.
I don't know how I feel about that.
110 / 177
What kind of dogs love car racing?
Lap dogs.
112 / 177
My favorite word is "drool."
It just rolls off the tongue.
113 / 177
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.
Do not read it.
114 / 177
What do you call birds who stick together?
Vel-crows.
115 / 177
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
117 / 177
Where do spaghetti and sauce go to dance?
The meatball.
118 / 177
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk. If you thought this was funny, you'll love our other cow jokes!
119 / 177
This library has two stories.
Can hardly call it a library.
120 / 177
I like to spend every day as if it's my last.
Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
122 / 177
How does your feline shop?
By reading a catalog.
123 / 177
What do you call a factory that sells passable products?
Satisfactory.
124 / 177
What do you call a dangerous sun shower?
A rain of terror.
125 / 177
What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes?
Corny.
126 / 177
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?
Its butt. Oop! Try these political jokes on for size at your next family holiday—they're guaranteed to get you a laugh.
127 / 177
What happens when a frog's car breaks down?
It gets toad.
128 / 177
I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation.
Never again.
129 / 177
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
130 / 177
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
"Robin, get in the car."
133 / 177
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.
134 / 177
My friend gave me his Epi–Pen as he was dying.
It seemed very important to him that I have it. Read these best friend tweets for more laughs.
135 / 177
Have you heard of Murphy's Law? Ok, but have you heard of Cole's Law?
It's thinly-sliced cabbage.
137 / 177
Did you know Jesus drove a Honda but just didn't talk about it?
John 12:49: "For I did not speak of my own accord."
138 / 177
How do you talk to Italian ghosts?
With a Luigi board.
139 / 177
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana. Don't forget to bookmark these fruit puns that are berry funny!
140 / 177
Two cows are grazing in a field. One says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter."
141 / 177
What's E.T. short for?
He's only got little legs. Science lovers will science-love these physics jokes!
142 / 177
Two men meet on opposites sides of a river. One shouts to the other "I need you to help me to get to the other side!"
The other guy shouts, "You are on the other side!"
143 / 177
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
144 / 177
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Safety. Safety always comes first. In the case of these hilarious egg puns, the egg always comes first.
145 / 177
This is your captain speaking.
AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.
147 / 177
Coroner died.
Still went to work. If you thought that was funny, you'll love these work from home jokes.
148 / 177
Which rock group has four guys who can't sing or play instruments?
Mount Rushmore.
149 / 177
I bought a dog from a locksmith.
The second I got him in the house he made a bolt for the door.
150 / 177
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
152 / 177
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
153 / 177
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
154 / 177
What's a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.
155 / 177
What did the swordfish say to the marlin?
You're lookin' sharp.
156 / 177
What kind of ghost has the best hearing?
The eeriest. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you're probably a genius.
157 / 177
Where can you buy soup in bulk?
The stock market.
158 / 177
How do you stop a bull from charging?
Cancel its credit card.
159 / 177
What was the frog's job at the hotel?
Bellhop.
160 / 177
Why are the Irish so wealthy?
Their capital is Dublin.
162 / 177
What kind of shoes do robbers wear?
Sneakers.
163 / 177
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn't see himself doing it.
164 / 177
Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
165 / 177
What do you call banana peel shoes?
Slippers.
166 / 177
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie. Cheese is classic joke fodder. Here are 17 classic light bulb jokes that'll make you sound smart.
167 / 177
Why were they called the Dark Ages?
There were lots of knights. If you have more of a twisted sense of humor, these dark jokes are for you.
168 / 177
My boss just texted me,
"Send me one of your funny jokes!"
169 / 177
Want to hear a roof joke?
This one's on the house.
170 / 177
What kind of pants does Mario wear?
Denim, denim, denim.
171 / 177
Where does the general keep his armies?
In his sleevies. This joke is very cuties. Here are 9 secrets to telling a great joke, according to comedians.
172 / 177
How does the squid go into battle?
Well-armed.
173 / 177
I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, I'm ok.
174 / 177
Do you use your right hand to stir your coffee?
I use a spoon. Check out these relatable tweets for more laughs.
175 / 177
You're not completely useless.
You can always serve as a bad example. By the way, we're serving up these ice cream puns just for you—check them out!
176 / 177
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name. Here are 15 simple (and silly) April Fool's jokes to play on your kids.
177 / 177
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
Sources:
- Buzzfeed, "21 Clean Jokes That Are So Dumb They're Actually Funny"
- Buzzfeed, "21 Dad Jokes So Ridiculous, I'm Almost Mad At Myself For Laughing"
- Buzzfeed, "18 Punny Jokes That Have No Right To Be As Hilarious As They Are"
- Buzzfeed, "100 Dad Jokes You're Going To Hate Laughing At So Hard"
- Buzzfeed, "If You're Tired Of The Same Old Dad Jokes, Here Are 19 Very Funny New Ones"
- Buzzfeed, "23 Dad Jokes That Are So Bad They're Good"
- Buzzfeed, "Sorry, But There's No Way You Won't At Least Smile At Any Of These Dad Jokes"
- Buzzfeed, "25 Jokes And Puns From National Tell A Joke Day That Might Make You Roll Your Eyes"
- Buzzfeed, "13 Absolutely Hilarious Jokes Told In Movies"
- Buzzfeed, "Every Weird And Awkward Person Will Find These 17 Tweets Hilarious For No Particular Reason"
- Buzzfeed, "Reddit Is Sharing Their Best Jokes, Here Are 17 Really Funny Ones"
- Buzzfeed, "17 Dad Jokes That Made Me Groan, Roll My Eyes, And Then Repeat To My Friends"
- Buzzfeed, "18 Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Even If You're Having A Bad Day"
- Buzzfeed, "27 Clean Jokes To Tell Your Kids That Are Actually Funny"
- Buzzfeed, "19 Twitter Jokes That Are Just Very, Very Funny"
- Buzzfeed, "We All Love Dad Jokes — But How Many Of The Punchlines Do You Actually Know?"
- Best Life, "150 Jokes That Are So Bad They're Actually Funny"
- Bored Panda, "52 Of The Funniest Two-Line Jokes Ever"
- Reddit, "What's a short, clean joke that gets a laugh every time?"
- Best Life, "40 Hilarious Jokes No One Is Too Old to Laugh At"
- Parade, "Ha Ha Ha—101 Corny Jokes That Are So Bad They're Actually Funny Good"
- Fatherly, "55 Great Clean Jokes for Funny People Who Don't Swear"
Originally Published: January 19, 2022
Source: https://www.rd.com/list/bad-jokes-cant-help-laugh-at/
0 Response to "What Would You Do if the World Was Ending Funny Joke"
Post a Comment